As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She needs sedatives and a leash
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
