Say something about gay babies.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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