i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
