how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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