True but thats because hes a fetus.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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