What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize