I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
