I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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