mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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