His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize