Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
