can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
