You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
