so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
