Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
