He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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