This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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