so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
