It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
