walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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