I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
