She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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