she woke up with a sticky ear
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
