Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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