You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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