butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
