Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
