u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am naked and annoyed.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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