I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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