There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
