U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
