Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fuck appropriateness.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have already put on my inside pants.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
