pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
