I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
