You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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