it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
