even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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