So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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