In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize