You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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