I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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