Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
