I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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