I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
