I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
where are you?
Hypothermia
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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