Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
