I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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