Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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