you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
