i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
