Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
