yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
