sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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