hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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