You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
