not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
