areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
