but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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