Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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