He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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