those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
