After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
