420 ftw
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
