Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My balls are so social today.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
