Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
