Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
