I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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