chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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