Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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