If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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