Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
