Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
