I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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