I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
